|Mom and Dad DO NOT Want to Move!
~By Karen Owen-Lee, “The Senior Expert”
Now, you are in a pickle! Your aging parent has had a change in their condition and you are worried about them living at home. You bring up the subject of moving to independent/assisted living or memory care and they come up with a variety of reasons to stay where they are:
- “This is my home and I am not leaving!”
- “I am perfectly healthy – I can take care of myself just fine.”
- “Look at everything I have done for you. You just want to get rid of me!”
Your parents may be scared, frightened of change, loss of independence, or loss of control. So, how can you help them to make the decision to move to a safe and comfortable community?
- Call to set-up tours with Housing Options for Seniors, Inc. to selected communities. Once you feel comfortable with what is available for their income, a location close to you and level of care, you will be more at ease approaching the subject of moving.
- Schedule a visit with his/her primary physician. Prior to the visit, call the office and leave a message for the doctor communicating your intentions for the visit (“I think it is time for my mom and or dad to move into assisted living. Could the doctor address the issue when I am there during the visit?”)
- Remind your loved one that this can be a trial visit for 30 days during which they can get physical therapy, 3 meals a day, regulated medications and monitor changing health conditions by a doctor who comes to your apartment, if desired.
- They will also live the pampered life…..linens stripped from the bed, washed and replaced weekly, personal laundry washed, and put away in your closets and drawers, snacks and drinks provided, social events, exercise classes, church services on site, shopping trips, trips to plays-museums-casinos-etc. The beauty/barber shop would be right there at the community. (Some of these services are not available at personal care homes.)
- Express how worried you are about them being alone. You feel guilty and stressed that you cannot be with them all the time. Explain how busy your life is with your job, children, school events, keeping the house clean, laundry, shopping, church, etc. If they move, they can socialize with people or stay in their room and read.
- They can give up the pressures of driving, shopping, maintaining the house/apartment—relax and enjoy—“You deserve it.”
- Their friends can come and visit – have a meal. They can also go to your house for family birthdays, holidays or BBQs.
- The apartment maybe set-up with their furniture and decorate, they control the temperature, keep ice cream in the refrigerator, nap when you want to, and turn up the TV so they can hear it!
- For yourself, lighten up. Once your loved one is safely settled in, you can resume the role you had prior to being a caregiver (i.e. son, daughter, spouse, grandchild, friend etc.). You have the right to take care of yourself – this is not selfish. It is required for you to stay healthy…..